The Anti-Life Equation - the contagious effect of negative people

Do you have negative or toxic people in your life? You know what I mean, the types of people who just suck the air out of a room and can rarely say anything without tearing others apart, or be condescending to so many around them?

I'm sure many of us have encountered people like this in our time in this realm. Sometimes they are strangers. Sometimes they are family. Sometimes they are co-workers.

The latter two can make things especially difficult, as the common advice you will hear from Buddhists or even Psychiatrists is to "remove toxic people from your life."

In fact, here is an excerpt from "Being Buddha at Work" by B.J. Gallagher and Franz Metcalf:

"THE BUDDHA DOESN'T mince words with his advice: avoid whiners, chronic complainers, and any other negative people.

Avoid them like the plague. Why? Because it's contagious. Just as a drunk wants you drunk, too, if you're going to be around him, so whiners want you to join in their whining. It's easy to get sucked into the negative energy of negative people-we all have frustrations and complaints about work, and sometimes it even seems like fun to join in the pile-on of cynicism and anger.

But don't do it. Resist the pack mentality that transforms these negative people into jackals. Run away if you must.

Instead, seek out positive people at work. Look for people who are up to something good and hang out with them."

They are right. It is contagious. How quickly when someone snaps at us or takes a condescending tone do we immediately place ourselves on the defensive, ready to strike back with our own comment or tone because we feel attacked?

I myself have fallen into that trap and reacted that way many a time, often times doing nothing to alleviate the situation. Instead, it just keeps the cycle of viciousness going, likely raising one's stress levels and blood pressure in the process.

Should we be forsaking our own mental and physical health because this one person will not let up?

I'm trying to learn from past snaps and take a more laid back approach. Sometimes, meeting a snarky question with a laid-back "good point," or "interesting question" can keep you from flying off the handle, the way our defense mechanisms immediately make us want to react. Sometimes it can make the person who is treating you poorly frustrated because they aren't getting to you.

Remember when on the schoolyard someone would bother you and your parents would say "just show them it doesn't bother you." Tough? Absolutely. In time, however, what is their point of going after someone who is not bothered by their attacks?

I don't know how familiar any of you are with the work of comic book legend Jack Kirby, but among the plethora of his creations was a character called Darkseid, an evil tyrant form a world known as Apokolips. On the fiery planet of Apokolips, with the exception of Darkseid's minions, all people are enslaved and hope has been wiped from their minds.

In those tales, Darkseid was always on a quest for what was referred to as "the anti-life equation."


The Anti-Life Equation is the equation for total control over the minds of sentient beings, and is the reason that Darkseid sends his armies to Earth, as he believes part of the equation exists in the human subconscious. Naturally, he often runs afoul of the likes of Superman and other heroes. Various comics have defined the equation in different ways, but a common interpretation seems to be that the equation is a mathematical proof of the futility of living.

They want you to give in to their own anti-life equation, abandon your  hope for a brighter tomorrow or life and be miserable with them.

But you don't have to. You can resist.

It will be tough and there will be days that you feel like giving in or lashing out.

Do not.

Let them choke on their own hate. They feed off your despair and without it, you will force them to starve.

Wake Up

Buddhism comes from the word 'budhi,' meaning to wake up, thus the reason Buddhism is the path to awakening.

These bits of graffiti caught my eye on the way to work on several mornings, and it made me wonder if these graffiti artists knew they were, in their own way, spreading the message of Buddhism.

We can walk through this life asleep very easily. It is only when we can take it upon ourselves to stop, look around, and wake up to the world around us that we can truly evolve, truly awaken, and truly be happy and know who we are.

"Wake up, Sheeple," indeed. :)

"Oh, Magoo, you've done it again!" OR the true gifts in our lives

With the holidays comes all the classic Christmas specials that I loved all my life, just as many before me have. You know the classics I'm talking about - the Rankin Bass Stop-Motion Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown.

Well, while skimming across channels this past week, my wife and I came across an obscure animated holiday classic on the Canadian channel. (You've got to love those Canadians, they air the best stuff this time of year...and don't overload you with these 'new' holiday specials that are all CGI and no heart.) But I digress...

That obscure Christmas special I speak of was "Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol" from 1962. That's right - Mr. Magoo had his own version of a Christmas Carol, with him playing Ebenezer Scrooge, no less.

Now, why am I mentioning all of this back story? Because during one of the songs (yes, there were song numbers), Magoo as Scrooge sings the following line once he's learned about the wonder of generosity:

"Ringle, ringle, coins when they jingle, make such a lovely sound. Give them away and nobody can rob you. "

Well, I've had this one lyric playing around in my head ever since and it really got me thinking. Scrooge learned a very valuable lesson that day - that the items that some of us value so very much, to the point of obsession - money, the latest electronics, etc - are absolutely nothing once we leave this realm, aside from becoming the target of some underhanded grave robber.

That thought doesn't even need to apply to after our deaths. Think of, unfortunately, how many terrible robberies and burglaries we hear about in the news on a daily basis. So many of the times, what do we hear is taken? Money, electronics, fashionable, expensive items.

Remember a ways back we talked about giving things away? Well that song lyric sort of triggered that memory and line of thought for me.

I think Magoo and Scrooge were really on to something.

Hold onto and cherish the things that are truly important in this life - your family, your spouse or significant other, your children, your pets, your friends - all the things that bring love into your life. Therein lies your true value.

As Harry Bailey said in "It's a Wonderful Life" - "to my brother, George. The richest man in town!" Not because of any wealth he had accumulated. After all, he was practically broke, with three kids living in a run down old, drafty house. But because of the lives he enriched simply by being a giving person.

It's not about objects we can have. That just becomes fodder and targets for the jealous and unsavory who want to take it.

Cherish and appreciate those LIVES that you've touched and touched yours. That feeling of love is something nothing and no one can take from you, in this life, or after.

I can't think of a better gift this holiday season than that.

Love to you all.

I'm a Soul Man

I've been thinking a lot about the soul lately.

I can't quite say with any certainty what's brought this on, but it's certainly been on my mind quite a bit.

I think of those family and friends who have passed and I wonder, what has become of them?

Every time I look out my window and see my 93 year old neighbor, I get filled with a sense of dread for the day when he will no longer be there, washing his dishes and waving.

I was raised Catholic, and with that came the belief of heaven, the afterlife, your soul ascending, etc, etc. The older I got, and the more I learned beyond those small walls of catholic school and church, the harder this became to accept - at least in the way it was taught to me.

Don't get me wrong - I believe in something - an essence, a life force, a soul. Whatever you want to label it, I truly feel there is something in each of us.

And I often times find myself frustrated that the same people who want to insist upon me their so-called "correct" beliefs of heaven, hell, etc, etc, maintains that idea of a soul...and yet, they also want me to believe that the soul is only found in that of human beings?

I call spiritual B-S.

I take one look at the world around me and it becomes increasingly clear that there is a life essence inside each and every living thing. The next time your dog looks up at you and stares in to your eyes, I'm sorry, but there's no way you can tell me there is not a soul in there. Sure, they may not act like you (a human), or communicate like you (a human), but that's because they aren't human.

But why in the world does that automatically make some people believe that they can't have a soul? It's not only quite preposterous to me, it's also quite egocentric. How can you try and convince me of the existence of a soul and afterlife, etc, and then have the narrow-minded and self-important point of view to say 'but it's only for humans, you know.' Hogwash.

This universe is made up of so many unique and individual beings - all connected to each other in some way. If you are alive, there's something in you, something deep inside that makes up who you are - whether you're the 93 year old living next door to me, or the cat sitting on the sidewalk as I walk by, or the dog running down the street to say hello to me, or that tree in the front yard.

I know this entry seems more like rant than a reflection, but I feel like I just need to get it out and into words, even if those words are a bit rambling.

I believe in the soul (or the essence, or whatever name we'll use today), but I believe in it universally.

So the next time that pet of yours looks up at you, the next time that tree you love to sit under moves in the wind, or that cat on the street meows at you - take a look deep into your heart and you might just feel the connection I'm talking about, and feel the life force, the soul, that connects all of us, human and non-human on this wacky little planet called Earth.

Thoughts bad for your mind and bad for your body

The following is an article I came across from a website called LiveScience.com. The reason I'm re-posting it here (with full credit to its author, Jeanna Bryner, Senior Writer for LiveScence), is because when it comes to living a life influenced by Eastern Philosophies, one of the common threads is always the connection between a healthy mind, a healthy body, and a healthy essence/soul/being.

Buddha discovered early on that a healthy body and a healthy mind were linked, as noted in one of my earliest entries on this blog. With that in mind, this article points out seven negative thoughts that can be harmful to your health. Take note, and with it, shake off the negative thoughts on your way to a healthy mind, a healthy body, and a healthy being. :)

From LiveScience.com:

"7 Thoughts That Are Bad For You"

By Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Senior Writer

Our personalities do more for us than determine our social circles. Temperament can impact a person's physical health.

"The idea that behavior or personality traits can influence health is one that's been around for a long time. We're just now getting a handle on to what extent they do," said Stephen Boyle of Duke University Medical Center in North Carolina.

From those with a chill demeanor to the completely frazzled types, mental factors are ultimately tied to physical health. And while a highly neurotic person might deteriorate more quickly than others, not every character trait will kill you. Some might even boost lifetimes.

Cynicism

Cynics who tend to be suspicious and mistrustful of others, a character trait that scientists refer to as hostility, may have an increased likelihood of developing heart disease. "These aren't necessarily hot-headed people, but people who are more likely to read into people's behavior as some hostile motive," Stephen Boyle said during a telephone interview.

In a study of more than 300 Vietnam veterans who were healthy at the study start, Boyle found that those who scored high on measures of hostility were about 25 percent more likely to develop heart disease.

Boyle and his colleagues think that hostile individuals might experience more stress, which can cause spikes in an immune-system protein called C3 that has been linked with various diseases, including diabetes. In fact, the participants with higher scores on hostility showed an increase in these proteins while the non-hostile men showed no such increase.

Lack of Meaning

If you lack a sense of purpose, your stay on Earth could be truncated. A study involving more than 1,200 elderly participants who didn't have dementia at the study's start found that those who indicated having a high purpose in life were about half as likely to die over the study period, which lasted up to five years. The results, published in the June 15 issue of the journal Psychosomatic Medicine, held regardless of a person's age, sex, education and race, along with level of depression and neuroticism.

"Persons with high purpose readily derive meaning from and make sense of the events of their lives, and likely engage in behaviors and activities that they deem important," said study researcher Patricia Boyle of the Rush Alzheimer's Disease Center in Chicago.

Some other research has suggested that people with a higher sense of purpose may have different levels of stress hormones, better heart health or improved immune systems, though more research is needed to firm up any of these biological mechanisms, she said.

The opposite also holds: "The findings from our study suggested that people who no longer set and work actively toward goals or enjoy their day-to-day activities (how they spend their time) are those with greater mortality risk," Boyle told LiveScience.

Fretting

People who are highly neurotic -- constantly worried and anxious, and prone to depression -- die sooner on average than their chill counterparts. And a recently reported study of nearly 1,800 men followed over a 30-year period suggests that's partly because neurotics are also more likely to smoke. Perhaps having a cigarette eases anxiety, said study researcher Daniel Mroczek of Purdue University in Indiana, adding that such a short-term payoff might not be worth it if it kills you down the line.

Lack of Self-control

Late for appointments? Can't keep your desk organized? No self-control? These seemingly benign qualities could take a toll on your health.

A review of more than 20 studies and nearly 9,000 participants revealed people who are conscientious -- organized and self-disciplined, as opposed to impulsive -- live two to four years longer than others. Study researcher Howard S. Friedman of the University of California, Riverside, suspects the boost in lifetime can be attributed partly to the fact that highly conscientious individuals are less likely to smoke or drink to excess, and live more stable and less stressful lives. The study is detailed in a 2008 issue of the journal Health Psychology.

Anxiety

The jitters can put a strain on your noggin, research suggests. Compared with the highly frazzled, individuals with a mellow demeanor who are outgoing may be less likely to develop dementia, which can be caused by Alzheimer's disease and other illnesses. The claim is based on a study that followed more than 500 elderly individuals for five years. Among the outgoing extroverts, dementia risk was 50 percent lower for participants who were calm compared with those who were prone to distress.

Gloom and Doom

The gloomy, inhibited person is not just at a disadvantage socially, but also physically.

A preliminary study of more than 180 patients suffering from peripheral arterial disease (plaque buildup in the arteries) showed participants with so-called type D, or distressed, personality, had an increased odds of dying sooner than other people. Type-D people are more likely to experience negative emotions while at the same time hold in their feelings.

The researchers, who detail their work in the August issue of the journal Archives of Surgery, suggest the personality type is linked with the body's immune system as well as stress response system.

Stress

Whatever you do, don't let this list worry you! Research is showing that prolonged stress can be deadly, and if it doesn't do you in, workplace stress can increase your chances of heart disease, flu virus, metabolic syndrome and having high blood pressure.

A study of nearly 700 Israeli workers found that those who experienced job burnout (when work stress becomes unmanageable) were nearly twice as likely as others to develop type 2 diabetes, in which a person's body becomes resistant to the sugar-regulating hormone called insulin.

And while a job promotion might boost your income, it also stresses you out. British researchers recently found that when people get promoted, they suffer on average about 10 percent more mental strain and are less likely to find time to go to the doctor.

Let go of your anger like you'd let go of a hot coal

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

I came across this quote from Buddha today and it got me thinking...as many of his quotes tend to do. How often does something happen that makes us so angry that we carry our anger with us throughout the rest of the day?

Someone says something to you at work that's snide or snotty, or someone is rude to you in line at the grocery store or post office. Or you're at a meeting and someone just won't stop getting on your nerves with a narrow point of view. A family member or friend does something or says something that causes you to just outright stop speaking to them until, years later, you find it hard to remember the exact thing said that made you so angry to begin with.

What can you do?

No one is saying to just rollover and become a human punching bag. However, the next time one of these things start to light a fire in you of anger, I challenge you to take a small moment and ask yourself this very simple question - "where will my anger get me in this situation?"

You might feel that your anger will accomplish something, but I'm hard-pressed to believe it, especially for trivial things like people's personality flaws.

If you keep that anger burning inside of you throughout the day, the week, the months?

Just as bad. That anger becomes bitterness, and does nothing more than eat away at the good person you are inside, affecting every part of being - your demeanor, your thought process, your heart, your ability for love, your capacity for good - all eaten away by your anger like a plague.

You often hear people say "don't sweat the small stuff." They're right. Grasping on to your anger, never letting go of the things that irk you, or something someone said this morning, yesterday, last week, last year, or ten years ago...does nothing more than to burn you from the inside out.

Let go of the hot coals, let go of your anger, and find one more way to set yourself free.

Our thoughts, our world

"All that we are arises from our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world."

I came across this quote on a little app on my fiance's IPod that presents you with a handful of Buddha Quotes each day. In fact, I believe it's called Handheld Buddha. This particular quote stuck out in my mind and has been swimming around in my brain ever since.

What we think shapes the world around us - how we act, how we speak, how we perceive. We've heard many a time that a negative mindset brings about a negative reaction from the universe right back to us. In turn, a positive mindset will return a positive reaction from the universe.

Let's take it one step further.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop on a rainy Fall day and had one of the most memorable conversations with my friend and noted author, Larry Trivieri Jr., where we talked about the concept of manifestation.

I was reading a book called "An Unlikely Prophet" at the time, by an author we were both big fans of - Alvin Schwartz. The concepts in this book led Larry and I to discuss some bizarre instances in our own lives. On my end of things, we were discussing concepts, situations, and realities that I had written about in stories, scripts, and films, that later, whether you believe it or not, started becoming true.

At the time that they were written, they were merely visualizations of ideas, ideals, and desirable outcomes that I was writing out of my own subconscious mind and onto the page (and in some cases from mind to page to film). However, as years went by, I could look back and realize that life situations that had materialized had evolved and developed very much in the way I had created.

One of our mutually favorite writers, Grant Morrison, has talked about this for years. Morrison wrote a comic series called "The Invisibles," where he based one of the series' key characters - King Mob - after himself. Morrison notes that many of the trials and tribulations that he put the character of King Mob through throughout the series - whether it was meeting a particular type of woman, or having his lungs crushed - it, over time, began to happen to Morrison as well.

In these cases, whether my own, Morrison's, or Larry's, thoughts literally had created a world - a reality.

We do it every day, whether we realize it or not. You, yes, YOU, are creating the world around you, your life of tomorrow with your thoughts of today. You an disbelieve it, you can shun it, or you can embrace it, and start creating your world today!

Buddhist precepts - A personal challenge - Week #1

No one owns our minds but us.

And Buddhist precepts are a means of realizing this. They are an opportunity to learn how to live that freedom as best as we can.

With that said, let's learn the Buddhist precepts and put them to practice through a personal challenge.

Do your best each week to try and follow one of the five Buddhist precepts. I'll do my best to do it and chronicle my progress and failings as they occur. But here's something for you, the reader - give it a try along with me, and let me know how you do.

This week, we're going to start with the first Buddhist Precept, and vow to bring no harm to any living creature through our words, deeds, or thought, including ourselves. Pay attention to all the living beings in the world that we might normally ignore - whether it be birds, bugs, or even the weeds coming up through the pavement - and believe, me, this time of year we've got plenty along the side of our house.

Let's cultivate a sense of care and reverence for all the living things in the world, and give thought to how they are all buddhas, just like us.

I look forward to the challenge. I hope you do too.

Fighting hate with hate only fuels more hate

This caught my eye today...

"Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love."

It's a quote from Buddha that makes me think about negativity.

There are countless times where something makes us so angry that it seems the only way we can react to it, and the easiest way to react to it, is to lash out back with just as hateful a thought or word as was thrown at us.

But let's stop for a minute and think about it. When I react to hate with more hate, what have I accomplished? Have I put out the fire and resolved the issue at hand?

Absolutely not.

More times than not, all I'll have ended up doing was feeding the fire, the fire of hate, making it larger, full of even more bad potential.

It's kind of like that saying - "two wrongs don't make a right." Just because someone hates me or hates something I do, is the situation then alleviated by my return of that hate? Nope. It just keeps that wheel turning.

I thought of a recent statement that a friend who's going through a very painful divorce said regarding the situation - "It's very sad when people become consumed by revenge." In this particular case, one person was so upset, and so hateful about the split, that they have become all-consumed by their need for revenge and their need to create as much hurt as they can.

They do so because THEY are hurt. But it certainly has not helped the process, nor the hurt inside of them. My friend understood this, and has been doing their best not to react the same way...not to meet that revenge with more anger, but with an understanding of the pain the other party is going through.

What Buddha tells us to do is to stop for a moment before we react in anger, before we return the hate, and calmly ask ourselves what the right thing to do in the situation is.

If we love, if we forgive, if we show compassion, instead of returning hate with hate, only then can we start to douse the fires of hate that come into our lives.