The Anti-Life Equation - the contagious effect of negative people

Do you have negative or toxic people in your life? You know what I mean, the types of people who just suck the air out of a room and can rarely say anything without tearing others apart, or be condescending to so many around them?

I'm sure many of us have encountered people like this in our time in this realm. Sometimes they are strangers. Sometimes they are family. Sometimes they are co-workers.

The latter two can make things especially difficult, as the common advice you will hear from Buddhists or even Psychiatrists is to "remove toxic people from your life."

In fact, here is an excerpt from "Being Buddha at Work" by B.J. Gallagher and Franz Metcalf:

"THE BUDDHA DOESN'T mince words with his advice: avoid whiners, chronic complainers, and any other negative people.

Avoid them like the plague. Why? Because it's contagious. Just as a drunk wants you drunk, too, if you're going to be around him, so whiners want you to join in their whining. It's easy to get sucked into the negative energy of negative people-we all have frustrations and complaints about work, and sometimes it even seems like fun to join in the pile-on of cynicism and anger.

But don't do it. Resist the pack mentality that transforms these negative people into jackals. Run away if you must.

Instead, seek out positive people at work. Look for people who are up to something good and hang out with them."

They are right. It is contagious. How quickly when someone snaps at us or takes a condescending tone do we immediately place ourselves on the defensive, ready to strike back with our own comment or tone because we feel attacked?

I myself have fallen into that trap and reacted that way many a time, often times doing nothing to alleviate the situation. Instead, it just keeps the cycle of viciousness going, likely raising one's stress levels and blood pressure in the process.

Should we be forsaking our own mental and physical health because this one person will not let up?

I'm trying to learn from past snaps and take a more laid back approach. Sometimes, meeting a snarky question with a laid-back "good point," or "interesting question" can keep you from flying off the handle, the way our defense mechanisms immediately make us want to react. Sometimes it can make the person who is treating you poorly frustrated because they aren't getting to you.

Remember when on the schoolyard someone would bother you and your parents would say "just show them it doesn't bother you." Tough? Absolutely. In time, however, what is their point of going after someone who is not bothered by their attacks?

I don't know how familiar any of you are with the work of comic book legend Jack Kirby, but among the plethora of his creations was a character called Darkseid, an evil tyrant form a world known as Apokolips. On the fiery planet of Apokolips, with the exception of Darkseid's minions, all people are enslaved and hope has been wiped from their minds.

In those tales, Darkseid was always on a quest for what was referred to as "the anti-life equation."


The Anti-Life Equation is the equation for total control over the minds of sentient beings, and is the reason that Darkseid sends his armies to Earth, as he believes part of the equation exists in the human subconscious. Naturally, he often runs afoul of the likes of Superman and other heroes. Various comics have defined the equation in different ways, but a common interpretation seems to be that the equation is a mathematical proof of the futility of living.

They want you to give in to their own anti-life equation, abandon your  hope for a brighter tomorrow or life and be miserable with them.

But you don't have to. You can resist.

It will be tough and there will be days that you feel like giving in or lashing out.

Do not.

Let them choke on their own hate. They feed off your despair and without it, you will force them to starve.

Wake Up

Buddhism comes from the word 'budhi,' meaning to wake up, thus the reason Buddhism is the path to awakening.

These bits of graffiti caught my eye on the way to work on several mornings, and it made me wonder if these graffiti artists knew they were, in their own way, spreading the message of Buddhism.

We can walk through this life asleep very easily. It is only when we can take it upon ourselves to stop, look around, and wake up to the world around us that we can truly evolve, truly awaken, and truly be happy and know who we are.

"Wake up, Sheeple," indeed. :)

Time ticks away...get out and live

"Time, Time,
Time, see what's become of me,
While I look around for my possibilities."

These lyrics are from a classic song by Paul Simon, called "A Hazy Shade of Winter," a song that, like most of Paul Simon's work, I love very much.

I've been thinking a lot about time as of late. I know I have yet it on this blog, but my wife and I are going to be parents soon. Very soon. Such as, a few weeks soon. Time has flown by and I can not believe that nine months has gone by as swiftly as it did.

When we first found out we were expecting, I spent several months in a constant "list" mode, thinking only of everything that had to be done and crossed off that list. By about month 7 or 8, all of a sudden it hit me like a brick - this is the ONLY time, ever, that this will be your first child. This is the ONLY time, ever, that you will have where life is like this before you are, a family, with a child.

Suddenly, I took a step back. I wish it hadn't taken me 8 months to do so, but I'm glad it hit me when it did.

Ferris Bueller was right. "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Today is the only time we get today. I implore you, folks, don't let it pass you by. Embrace it. Love it. Live it.

It is one of the greatest feelings in the world when you do.

"Oh, Magoo, you've done it again!" OR the true gifts in our lives

With the holidays comes all the classic Christmas specials that I loved all my life, just as many before me have. You know the classics I'm talking about - the Rankin Bass Stop-Motion Rudolph, Frosty, Charlie Brown.

Well, while skimming across channels this past week, my wife and I came across an obscure animated holiday classic on the Canadian channel. (You've got to love those Canadians, they air the best stuff this time of year...and don't overload you with these 'new' holiday specials that are all CGI and no heart.) But I digress...

That obscure Christmas special I speak of was "Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol" from 1962. That's right - Mr. Magoo had his own version of a Christmas Carol, with him playing Ebenezer Scrooge, no less.

Now, why am I mentioning all of this back story? Because during one of the songs (yes, there were song numbers), Magoo as Scrooge sings the following line once he's learned about the wonder of generosity:

"Ringle, ringle, coins when they jingle, make such a lovely sound. Give them away and nobody can rob you. "

Well, I've had this one lyric playing around in my head ever since and it really got me thinking. Scrooge learned a very valuable lesson that day - that the items that some of us value so very much, to the point of obsession - money, the latest electronics, etc - are absolutely nothing once we leave this realm, aside from becoming the target of some underhanded grave robber.

That thought doesn't even need to apply to after our deaths. Think of, unfortunately, how many terrible robberies and burglaries we hear about in the news on a daily basis. So many of the times, what do we hear is taken? Money, electronics, fashionable, expensive items.

Remember a ways back we talked about giving things away? Well that song lyric sort of triggered that memory and line of thought for me.

I think Magoo and Scrooge were really on to something.

Hold onto and cherish the things that are truly important in this life - your family, your spouse or significant other, your children, your pets, your friends - all the things that bring love into your life. Therein lies your true value.

As Harry Bailey said in "It's a Wonderful Life" - "to my brother, George. The richest man in town!" Not because of any wealth he had accumulated. After all, he was practically broke, with three kids living in a run down old, drafty house. But because of the lives he enriched simply by being a giving person.

It's not about objects we can have. That just becomes fodder and targets for the jealous and unsavory who want to take it.

Cherish and appreciate those LIVES that you've touched and touched yours. That feeling of love is something nothing and no one can take from you, in this life, or after.

I can't think of a better gift this holiday season than that.

Love to you all.

Would have, could have, should have...

I think I might have been channeling something when I suddenly woke up from a sound sleep at 4:54 a.m. this morning and jotted the following down in the notepad next to the bed before falling right back asleep. I thought I'd share what I found when I looked at the notepad this morning:

"You can look back on your life and say 'I should have done this' or 'I'd tell my younger self this,' but in all likelihood, your younger self would not have listened and done it anyway. You have to accept the foibles and fumbles of life for what they are - the trials and tribulations that make life what it is - interesting, and make us who we are - unique."

I'm a Soul Man

I've been thinking a lot about the soul lately.

I can't quite say with any certainty what's brought this on, but it's certainly been on my mind quite a bit.

I think of those family and friends who have passed and I wonder, what has become of them?

Every time I look out my window and see my 93 year old neighbor, I get filled with a sense of dread for the day when he will no longer be there, washing his dishes and waving.

I was raised Catholic, and with that came the belief of heaven, the afterlife, your soul ascending, etc, etc. The older I got, and the more I learned beyond those small walls of catholic school and church, the harder this became to accept - at least in the way it was taught to me.

Don't get me wrong - I believe in something - an essence, a life force, a soul. Whatever you want to label it, I truly feel there is something in each of us.

And I often times find myself frustrated that the same people who want to insist upon me their so-called "correct" beliefs of heaven, hell, etc, etc, maintains that idea of a soul...and yet, they also want me to believe that the soul is only found in that of human beings?

I call spiritual B-S.

I take one look at the world around me and it becomes increasingly clear that there is a life essence inside each and every living thing. The next time your dog looks up at you and stares in to your eyes, I'm sorry, but there's no way you can tell me there is not a soul in there. Sure, they may not act like you (a human), or communicate like you (a human), but that's because they aren't human.

But why in the world does that automatically make some people believe that they can't have a soul? It's not only quite preposterous to me, it's also quite egocentric. How can you try and convince me of the existence of a soul and afterlife, etc, and then have the narrow-minded and self-important point of view to say 'but it's only for humans, you know.' Hogwash.

This universe is made up of so many unique and individual beings - all connected to each other in some way. If you are alive, there's something in you, something deep inside that makes up who you are - whether you're the 93 year old living next door to me, or the cat sitting on the sidewalk as I walk by, or the dog running down the street to say hello to me, or that tree in the front yard.

I know this entry seems more like rant than a reflection, but I feel like I just need to get it out and into words, even if those words are a bit rambling.

I believe in the soul (or the essence, or whatever name we'll use today), but I believe in it universally.

So the next time that pet of yours looks up at you, the next time that tree you love to sit under moves in the wind, or that cat on the street meows at you - take a look deep into your heart and you might just feel the connection I'm talking about, and feel the life force, the soul, that connects all of us, human and non-human on this wacky little planet called Earth.

Being a sick Buddhist is still better than being healthy and self-involved

My wife and I have both been sick lately. Nothing serious, just the annoying throat/head/nose type of ailment that hits many people this time of year. With that in mind, I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to look at a Buddhist perspective or adage on sickness, and came across the following in my search:

"The key to battling illness lies in summoning a vigorous life-force and a positive fighting spirit. This brings out the full effectiveness of a curative treatment."- by Daisaku Ikeda

I liked this because it really brings things back to the idea of the energy you put out is the energy you get back. Okay, you're feeling under the weather, but summon up that fighting spirit of yours - the one that doesn't let you wallow in self-pity, the one that says "there's still stuff to be done," and step up to plate and force those ailments out of your life force.

"A sick body with a good heart is more beneficial to future lives than a fit, healthy body that is used for self-cherishing." - by Lama Zopa Rinpoche

If your heart is still in the right place, if you're still practicing a life towards helping others and not one of self-importance and self-involvement, then even sick-you is doing more in the world than the other. There are people, who are seriously ill, who still use their energy, their mind, and their focus, toward aiding and assisting others. Sadly, there are those, who even on their healthiest days still only see with the blinded eyes of self-absorption or self-involvement.

Once again, I can't help but quote Paul McCartney - "the love you take is equal to the love you make." :)

Thoughts bad for your mind and bad for your body

The following is an article I came across from a website called LiveScience.com. The reason I'm re-posting it here (with full credit to its author, Jeanna Bryner, Senior Writer for LiveScence), is because when it comes to living a life influenced by Eastern Philosophies, one of the common threads is always the connection between a healthy mind, a healthy body, and a healthy essence/soul/being.

Buddha discovered early on that a healthy body and a healthy mind were linked, as noted in one of my earliest entries on this blog. With that in mind, this article points out seven negative thoughts that can be harmful to your health. Take note, and with it, shake off the negative thoughts on your way to a healthy mind, a healthy body, and a healthy being. :)

From LiveScience.com:

"7 Thoughts That Are Bad For You"

By Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Senior Writer

Our personalities do more for us than determine our social circles. Temperament can impact a person's physical health.

"The idea that behavior or personality traits can influence health is one that's been around for a long time. We're just now getting a handle on to what extent they do," said Stephen Boyle of Duke University Medical Center in North Carolina.

From those with a chill demeanor to the completely frazzled types, mental factors are ultimately tied to physical health. And while a highly neurotic person might deteriorate more quickly than others, not every character trait will kill you. Some might even boost lifetimes.

Cynicism

Cynics who tend to be suspicious and mistrustful of others, a character trait that scientists refer to as hostility, may have an increased likelihood of developing heart disease. "These aren't necessarily hot-headed people, but people who are more likely to read into people's behavior as some hostile motive," Stephen Boyle said during a telephone interview.

In a study of more than 300 Vietnam veterans who were healthy at the study start, Boyle found that those who scored high on measures of hostility were about 25 percent more likely to develop heart disease.

Boyle and his colleagues think that hostile individuals might experience more stress, which can cause spikes in an immune-system protein called C3 that has been linked with various diseases, including diabetes. In fact, the participants with higher scores on hostility showed an increase in these proteins while the non-hostile men showed no such increase.

Lack of Meaning

If you lack a sense of purpose, your stay on Earth could be truncated. A study involving more than 1,200 elderly participants who didn't have dementia at the study's start found that those who indicated having a high purpose in life were about half as likely to die over the study period, which lasted up to five years. The results, published in the June 15 issue of the journal Psychosomatic Medicine, held regardless of a person's age, sex, education and race, along with level of depression and neuroticism.

"Persons with high purpose readily derive meaning from and make sense of the events of their lives, and likely engage in behaviors and activities that they deem important," said study researcher Patricia Boyle of the Rush Alzheimer's Disease Center in Chicago.

Some other research has suggested that people with a higher sense of purpose may have different levels of stress hormones, better heart health or improved immune systems, though more research is needed to firm up any of these biological mechanisms, she said.

The opposite also holds: "The findings from our study suggested that people who no longer set and work actively toward goals or enjoy their day-to-day activities (how they spend their time) are those with greater mortality risk," Boyle told LiveScience.

Fretting

People who are highly neurotic -- constantly worried and anxious, and prone to depression -- die sooner on average than their chill counterparts. And a recently reported study of nearly 1,800 men followed over a 30-year period suggests that's partly because neurotics are also more likely to smoke. Perhaps having a cigarette eases anxiety, said study researcher Daniel Mroczek of Purdue University in Indiana, adding that such a short-term payoff might not be worth it if it kills you down the line.

Lack of Self-control

Late for appointments? Can't keep your desk organized? No self-control? These seemingly benign qualities could take a toll on your health.

A review of more than 20 studies and nearly 9,000 participants revealed people who are conscientious -- organized and self-disciplined, as opposed to impulsive -- live two to four years longer than others. Study researcher Howard S. Friedman of the University of California, Riverside, suspects the boost in lifetime can be attributed partly to the fact that highly conscientious individuals are less likely to smoke or drink to excess, and live more stable and less stressful lives. The study is detailed in a 2008 issue of the journal Health Psychology.

Anxiety

The jitters can put a strain on your noggin, research suggests. Compared with the highly frazzled, individuals with a mellow demeanor who are outgoing may be less likely to develop dementia, which can be caused by Alzheimer's disease and other illnesses. The claim is based on a study that followed more than 500 elderly individuals for five years. Among the outgoing extroverts, dementia risk was 50 percent lower for participants who were calm compared with those who were prone to distress.

Gloom and Doom

The gloomy, inhibited person is not just at a disadvantage socially, but also physically.

A preliminary study of more than 180 patients suffering from peripheral arterial disease (plaque buildup in the arteries) showed participants with so-called type D, or distressed, personality, had an increased odds of dying sooner than other people. Type-D people are more likely to experience negative emotions while at the same time hold in their feelings.

The researchers, who detail their work in the August issue of the journal Archives of Surgery, suggest the personality type is linked with the body's immune system as well as stress response system.

Stress

Whatever you do, don't let this list worry you! Research is showing that prolonged stress can be deadly, and if it doesn't do you in, workplace stress can increase your chances of heart disease, flu virus, metabolic syndrome and having high blood pressure.

A study of nearly 700 Israeli workers found that those who experienced job burnout (when work stress becomes unmanageable) were nearly twice as likely as others to develop type 2 diabetes, in which a person's body becomes resistant to the sugar-regulating hormone called insulin.

And while a job promotion might boost your income, it also stresses you out. British researchers recently found that when people get promoted, they suffer on average about 10 percent more mental strain and are less likely to find time to go to the doctor.

Let go of your anger like you'd let go of a hot coal

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

I came across this quote from Buddha today and it got me thinking...as many of his quotes tend to do. How often does something happen that makes us so angry that we carry our anger with us throughout the rest of the day?

Someone says something to you at work that's snide or snotty, or someone is rude to you in line at the grocery store or post office. Or you're at a meeting and someone just won't stop getting on your nerves with a narrow point of view. A family member or friend does something or says something that causes you to just outright stop speaking to them until, years later, you find it hard to remember the exact thing said that made you so angry to begin with.

What can you do?

No one is saying to just rollover and become a human punching bag. However, the next time one of these things start to light a fire in you of anger, I challenge you to take a small moment and ask yourself this very simple question - "where will my anger get me in this situation?"

You might feel that your anger will accomplish something, but I'm hard-pressed to believe it, especially for trivial things like people's personality flaws.

If you keep that anger burning inside of you throughout the day, the week, the months?

Just as bad. That anger becomes bitterness, and does nothing more than eat away at the good person you are inside, affecting every part of being - your demeanor, your thought process, your heart, your ability for love, your capacity for good - all eaten away by your anger like a plague.

You often hear people say "don't sweat the small stuff." They're right. Grasping on to your anger, never letting go of the things that irk you, or something someone said this morning, yesterday, last week, last year, or ten years ago...does nothing more than to burn you from the inside out.

Let go of the hot coals, let go of your anger, and find one more way to set yourself free.

You never really get to see your own face

Recently, a colleague told me: "You never really get to see your own face."

I thought about this for a little bit - longer, I'm sure, than he expected me to.

We will never truly know what it's like to interact with and see us. We can only know the internal us and what we attempt to put out externally. It is something only others can share in, but only we can give.

Interesting.

Truth, Justice, and Humanity's Potential for Good

I want to talk about Superman.

Yep, you heard me right. Superman. I'm not talking Frederich Nietzche, but Clark Kent - THE Superman - blue suit, red cape, you know the guy.

Your first thought of course is, why Superman and what does he have to do with Eastern Philosophy? Many people consider him to be a bit of a weenie, or a boy scout, never one of the cool super heroes. I beg to differ.

What Superman represents is exactly what Buddhism teaches us - the potential for humanity to do good by its own actions. Not by divine intervention, but through ourselves.

Check this out - (you'll have to click to enlarge, but trust me, worth the few seconds):


This comic book page right here epitomizes what Superman is about - an iconic figure in pop culture not as a savior, but as an inspiration, to make those fictional characters of Metropolis, and possibly some real-life people stand up and show the world that the world can be a better place if we each choose to do our part and make it one.

Buddhism teaches us that we all possess the ability to control what we think, do and say, and to make our lives a representation of compassion and wisdom, rather than one of greed, fear, and selfishness.

The ability is within each and every one of us to refrain from acts (be they in body, speech, and mind) that can cause pain to ourselves or to others. With that said, we each also have the ability to perform acts this those same ways that promote happiness and peace.

How many times to we see people who are constantly negative about everything talking about how terrible the world and everything around them is? As we've said before, negative, brings forth negative. We have the potential to cleanse ourselves of that negativity and purify our minds - making each one of us another step towards a better world.

That is a huge part of what Buddhism is about - it's not about dogma or rules to follow. It's about the potential inside each of us.

Buddha said that looking at ourselves honestly, we'd find that the root of much of our pain is our own ignorance and the misconceptions we hold about the true nature of our existence.

The path to our own happiness lies in getting rid of our wrong ideas about why things are why they are, and create a mindset of generosity and morality.

Generosity not only helps take away our selfishness, but brings us a joy and good feeling that creates bonds of friendship and love with others around us. The less we grasp at possessing things and worrying about what we don't have, the more we can open up to the world around us and contribute positively to it.

In Buddhism, morality is looked at as refraining from using negative words and deeds. By not feeding the negative, we begin to free ourselves from falling into its grasp and start to live more positively, hopefully inspiring others to do the same.

So take a cure from Superman - stop looking for a savior to fix everything and start realizing we have the ability to do it ourselves. It starts with each and every one of us. Use your gifts to help others, and to inspire them to do the same.

Be the kind of person you want the world to be filled with. Over time, you might find that the world isn't so bad. :)

Our thoughts, our world

"All that we are arises from our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world."

I came across this quote on a little app on my fiance's IPod that presents you with a handful of Buddha Quotes each day. In fact, I believe it's called Handheld Buddha. This particular quote stuck out in my mind and has been swimming around in my brain ever since.

What we think shapes the world around us - how we act, how we speak, how we perceive. We've heard many a time that a negative mindset brings about a negative reaction from the universe right back to us. In turn, a positive mindset will return a positive reaction from the universe.

Let's take it one step further.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop on a rainy Fall day and had one of the most memorable conversations with my friend and noted author, Larry Trivieri Jr., where we talked about the concept of manifestation.

I was reading a book called "An Unlikely Prophet" at the time, by an author we were both big fans of - Alvin Schwartz. The concepts in this book led Larry and I to discuss some bizarre instances in our own lives. On my end of things, we were discussing concepts, situations, and realities that I had written about in stories, scripts, and films, that later, whether you believe it or not, started becoming true.

At the time that they were written, they were merely visualizations of ideas, ideals, and desirable outcomes that I was writing out of my own subconscious mind and onto the page (and in some cases from mind to page to film). However, as years went by, I could look back and realize that life situations that had materialized had evolved and developed very much in the way I had created.

One of our mutually favorite writers, Grant Morrison, has talked about this for years. Morrison wrote a comic series called "The Invisibles," where he based one of the series' key characters - King Mob - after himself. Morrison notes that many of the trials and tribulations that he put the character of King Mob through throughout the series - whether it was meeting a particular type of woman, or having his lungs crushed - it, over time, began to happen to Morrison as well.

In these cases, whether my own, Morrison's, or Larry's, thoughts literally had created a world - a reality.

We do it every day, whether we realize it or not. You, yes, YOU, are creating the world around you, your life of tomorrow with your thoughts of today. You an disbelieve it, you can shun it, or you can embrace it, and start creating your world today!

Precept One - Epic Fail

I tried. I really tried.

I know I put out the challenge to anyone reading this blog to join along with me as we tried to live out a Buddhist precept each week. The first was to not say, act, or think in a harmful way toward any living being, no matter what it was.

I failed...and miserably at that.

I struggled. I tried keeping my mouth shut at work when someone would say something ignorant or harmful toward something or someone else at work...I tried to take in everything around me as a part of the living connection between the universe.

I made some progress, but I can't in any way say that I made it happen. I kept my mouth shut...but it didn't mean I wasn't thinking some harmful comment to someone. And you know what I ended up doing last weekend? Pulling out the weed-wacker and taking out every weed I could find in the yard.

Perhaps I'm just not there yet. There are certain aspects of Buddhism that perhaps I AM capable of handling, but there's still so many more that I'm just not at the level of yet.

Maybe with time. We'll see. A brief reprieve before we try another one.

I wonder if other people had been or could be any more successful at it than I. Would love to know and get any tips if anyone has them.

This challenge will prove interesting...

Okay...this first challenge is definitely going to prove to be tough.

How do you act in a capacity as a boss and have to question why things aren't done or done right, yet not say so in a way that would be considered "doing harm" by Buddhist standards?

Day One and already some interesting questions arise. If anything, this challenge will prove educational.

Buddhist precepts - A personal challenge - Week #1

No one owns our minds but us.

And Buddhist precepts are a means of realizing this. They are an opportunity to learn how to live that freedom as best as we can.

With that said, let's learn the Buddhist precepts and put them to practice through a personal challenge.

Do your best each week to try and follow one of the five Buddhist precepts. I'll do my best to do it and chronicle my progress and failings as they occur. But here's something for you, the reader - give it a try along with me, and let me know how you do.

This week, we're going to start with the first Buddhist Precept, and vow to bring no harm to any living creature through our words, deeds, or thought, including ourselves. Pay attention to all the living beings in the world that we might normally ignore - whether it be birds, bugs, or even the weeds coming up through the pavement - and believe, me, this time of year we've got plenty along the side of our house.

Let's cultivate a sense of care and reverence for all the living things in the world, and give thought to how they are all buddhas, just like us.

I look forward to the challenge. I hope you do too.

Fighting hate with hate only fuels more hate

This caught my eye today...

"Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love."

It's a quote from Buddha that makes me think about negativity.

There are countless times where something makes us so angry that it seems the only way we can react to it, and the easiest way to react to it, is to lash out back with just as hateful a thought or word as was thrown at us.

But let's stop for a minute and think about it. When I react to hate with more hate, what have I accomplished? Have I put out the fire and resolved the issue at hand?

Absolutely not.

More times than not, all I'll have ended up doing was feeding the fire, the fire of hate, making it larger, full of even more bad potential.

It's kind of like that saying - "two wrongs don't make a right." Just because someone hates me or hates something I do, is the situation then alleviated by my return of that hate? Nope. It just keeps that wheel turning.

I thought of a recent statement that a friend who's going through a very painful divorce said regarding the situation - "It's very sad when people become consumed by revenge." In this particular case, one person was so upset, and so hateful about the split, that they have become all-consumed by their need for revenge and their need to create as much hurt as they can.

They do so because THEY are hurt. But it certainly has not helped the process, nor the hurt inside of them. My friend understood this, and has been doing their best not to react the same way...not to meet that revenge with more anger, but with an understanding of the pain the other party is going through.

What Buddha tells us to do is to stop for a moment before we react in anger, before we return the hate, and calmly ask ourselves what the right thing to do in the situation is.

If we love, if we forgive, if we show compassion, instead of returning hate with hate, only then can we start to douse the fires of hate that come into our lives.

Media consumption

Much like the food that we take in several times a day, media too, gets ingested into our system on a daily basis, quickly becoming a part of our make-up. All that violence and cynical mindset that we view on the TV, read in the paper, see on the web...it all gets planted in our brains and in our psyche...seeds that can harm both us and the environment around us.

I say this, of course, being, a card-carrying member of the media. I fully admit that from the inside, as well as the outside viewer-standpoint, it does get into our system, shape us, and change us.

All of these things that we witness every day desensitize us to the world we inhabit. When I sit back and realize all the horrific scenes I've witnessed, wrote about, talked about in daily discussion...I once in a while pause...and ask myself 'how is this normal?' Discussing brutal crimes, or the corruption of political systems and the like...those things have a way of just becoming such a part of our normal lives and intake that we lose the sensitivity to all the life around us.

It's a scary slope to walk...and it doesn't surprise me that I've run into so many jaded journalists in my day.


Look at the figures - by the time an average American is 18 years old, they have seen 16,000 simulated murders, and another 200,000 other acts of violence. That's insane. No wonder it's so hard to find non-cynics in the world today - we just continue to breed that jaded cynism...and as a member of the media, I find myself just as guilty, if not moreso.

I've always tried to keep my optimism churning, even when it seems difficult. Even I will admit, however, that the more time I spend in the business, the harder it can become. I laugh when I think of my first year or so in journalism. I was sitting with a colleague and discussing some situation, and trying to look on the bright side of things . Her response to me was "I just want to take off those rose-colored glasses of yours and stomp on them!"

No, I was not actually wearing rose-colored sunglasses...but you get the point.

I've always looked at that moment as one of those that epitomized my conflict with the business I was in. Here I was, an eternal ball of optimism for most of my life, fairly new to the journalism game...running smack-dab against the wall that was a journalist...and the inherent cynicism that she the career had already started to fill her with.

Sometimes when I find myself becoming a bit too caught up in the doom and gloom of the news business, I try to remember that moment and remind myself of the wealth of optimism that used to surge through my system, and strike it again like a match against a matchbox.

In other words, I find those rose-colored glasses, dust them off, and throw them back on my face. They're not broken...they can never be broken...unless you let them.

I'm not talking about banning all the media we take in. I'm not lobbying for some massive shutdown.

While we hold the switch to turn on this cynicism and ingest the material that may be desensitizing us, we also have the same power to turn the switch it off.

To Tell the Truth...

"A person is born with an axe in his mouth. He whose speech is unwholesome cuts himself with an axe."

Those are the words of the Buddha when it comes to lying.

Now, what exactly does the Buddha mean about cutting ourselves? Think of it like this - what we decide to say about other people is often true of ourselves...often times the reason we noticed it in the first place.

When we stop criticizing others, as well as ourselves, we will find just how much energy we free up. Humanity wastes way too much time and energy into picking apart and putting down each other.

However, the reverse is true, as well. When we say we love something, and truly, sincerely mean it, we bring more love into the world.

Sure, Buddhism knows that mere words can't describe the truth that we are...but we can always find our Middle Way within silence and speech.

What does that mean?

It means knowing what TO say and what NOT to say.

So, the next time we find ourselves ready to talk about someone at work, or the guy down the block, or spread the most recent gossip we've learned, think about how much energy you're putting it into your criticism or ragging, and put it into spreading love instead, whether it be by saying something nice you truly sincerely mean, or knowing that it is best not to say anything at all.

Stay positive! :)

Hey, look who dropped by NBC's Today Show on Thursday.



When asked about problems affecting the world today, the Dalai Lama told Ann Curry something many of us already know, but lose perspective of quite frequently - these problems are temporary. It was nice to hear that he thought in the bigger picture, people of the 21st Century are becoming "much happier and compassionate" as compared to people of the 20th Century.

Expanding on this, the Dalai Lama said that many of the problems in the world are man-made ones, meaning that of course, people then have the ability to resolve them, too. (He did make note that natural disasters are different.)

Referring to the large response by people around the world to earthquakes in the world, including Haiti, and the Tsunami, the Dalai Lama said he believed that showed how much more compassionate and considerate people of the 21st Century are versus the 20th Century, calling them "positive signs."

It wasn't all rose petals. He recognized the violence in the world, saying that "some mischievous people" are always there and always have been for thousands of years. However, he said he believes those troublemakers are in a minority compared to the larger, more positive population of humanity.

And I think he's right. We as a species tend to narrow in on that negative event, person, etc, and take it as wider example of humanity or society as a whole, when in fact, it's not really the case. Think of ten people you know. Out of those ten, how many are people who at the heart of things, are good-natured, well-meaning people? I think most times we'll find the majority are. We just focus on the one that stands out negatively.

His recommendation to humanity was nothing earth-shattering to anyone who's already familiar with these concepts, whether it be via this blog or from reading any Eastern Philosophy material...it's all about adopting the right and more positive attitude. With that, we can all eliminated or reduce the negativity in the world.

And with that right attitude in mind, I'm going to go have a great day. I hope you do too! :)

Early morning alarms and zen don't always mix

I'm going to admit...it's hard to keep one's Zen when the CO alarm is going off multiple times throughout the night...by no fault of actual CO in this case.

So, in doing my best to not let the anger of waking up from that sound sleep to the ear-piercing noise of the alarm, and to get myself back into slumber, I tried an Buddhist trick passed on to me by my friend Larry:

Sit with your eyes closed and focus on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose while saying silently to yourself "this is my in breath," then exhale through your mouth while saying silently to yourself "this is my out breath."

Do it for about five minutes and you'll find yourself most likely getting back to your calm/zen state in no time.